Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Supportive...Like a Jock Strap
I view myself as something of broken person. Maybe other AVM survivors don't feel this way, and I hope no one takes offense when I say, in some respects, we all are. The stress and depression, the anger, the rage, the brain damage...we are a fragile bunch. I have made a lot of friends who are dealing with arteriovenous malformations, either their own, their partner's, their child's...no matter how this enters your life, It leaves you changed. Most people I have met have been amazing. Others have...not been. The question is, are the people who are waaay out of line the ones who need the most help and support? Are the people who are inappropriate positioned to benefit most from community? Maybe. But, not from me. I recognize my own limitations. I can nurture and feel empathy, but only to a limit. Growing up with three sisters, I developed a keen sense for when it was time to throw down my school bag and fight. (Our mother dressed us in hideous, poorly made, cheap clothing--as a result we all became champion bare knuckle boxers in the school yard.) I am quick to stand up for those I care about, often with inappropriate force and swiftness. Its possible that some people act like assholes because they have monster AVMs, catastrophic brain damage, etc. When caustic attitudes are directed at me or my friends, however, the only hand I am able to extend to reach out to them, tends to be a fist.
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4 comments:
recognizing ones own limitations happens to be a gift. There is no reason that you should be supportive of everyone, your friends come first, human nature to defend them and I think its great that you realize that. Keep thinking like that, dont try and force yourself to be supportive of those you cant be. You're a great person and a treasure to all who know you. Just be you, and the best YOU that you can be.
~Jo
Thanks Jo! I'm sure you understand what I am referring to, here, and while I understand that everyone going through this needs support, under certain circumstances...well I just get mad! It's a moral dilemma, should you punish someone for a disability? No. Should abusive behavior be tolerated? No. Where do you draw the line?
Gee,I wonder what you could be referring to? lol My first reaction was to think thatt the individual in question must be in a lot of pain or confused because of medication. Then I became angry that he so hurt the other person that you and I care about. I still do feel some sympathy for P, because he must be in a lot of pain to behave so irrationally. But I wish L would come back already...we've all begged him and L is gone!
Did I just make my feelings about as clear as mud? lol
-Connie
Hey SFB or Queen of rare disorders.
I know where you're coming from. I think this monster that is in our heads can do many odd things to our behaviour. For me it switched my brain into a caring mode, Where as before its discovery I was a bit of a git. Now I like to put others first and refuse to be helped. I quite like to struggle to get things done, rather than have them done for me, it gives me a sence of achievement. So I guess I have become a giver rather than a taker. There comes a critical point though when an attack on ones motives for offering help and advice are questioned. I offer friendship and my experiences free of charge and without prejudice, not only on health matters but on a number of subjects that I have learned about. I am very light hearted about my own health battles and try not to dwell on me and try my best to be supportive. I don't hold a grudge against anybody if they disagree with my advice but I do need to preserve my wee bit of sanity, the only way I can do that is out of harms way. I hope you understand what I am rambling on about, I am not too sure myself now, so I best stop.
xx Liam xx
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